The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Me: [eating corn on the cob]Wife [across the table]: This relationship would have gone differently if you had corn on the cob on our first date.
Don’t let people fool you with that “boys are harder up front and easier later on” bull crap. They never get easier. My husband is still difficult.
I believe marriage is a sacred bond between a person who wants to get to the airport the day before the flight and a person who wants to be there just in time to jump in the plane as it’s taking off
i too will be having a baby outside of dave grohl’s marriage. you don’t see me making it a whole thing
[my wife after introducing me to anybody] he’s a rescue
Sometimes my husband adds events to our shared calendar and it feels like a threat. “Companionship Inventory” is the one that scares me the most.
My wife: “Do you have a plan for clearing out the garage?”Me: “I have concepts of a plan”
Me and husband were having a really nice walk through town. The sun was shining, both in good moods. We walked past a beautiful old building with 1865 on it. And he said “Everyone’s dead who lived there.”
why don’t wedding vows include important stuff like how throw pillows will play a significant role in your life for the next 45 years
In honor of the debate, I will be muting my husband tonight.
My husband had a civil case today and his client brought with her someone he assumed was her partner. He asked her, “Oh, is this your wife or girlfriend or…?”Reader, it was her sister.
Sorry we’re late, I was telling my husband why we don’t leave early to go to someone else’s house.
Husband: Why aren’t you and the kids outside? It’s beautiful outside! Me: It’s pretty beautiful inside, too.
Wife and I are at the age where we have a bunch of shows that we can’t watch until the kids go to bed but by the time they go to bed we’re too tired to watch them.
I just learned that my husband and I don’t share the same religion* and I don’t know if we can get through this.*he has never seen and refuses to watch Friday Night Lights.
Get married so you can say things like “What do you want to do?” “Whatever you want to do.” over and over until you die
My husband always orders two desserts to taste and gives me the one I like best. I think he read the fine print on this marriage.
Just found out my husband doesn’t like crunchy taco shells. I am shook. SHOOK.
My son has so many stuffed toys on his bed, he only has about a third clear to sleep on. Basically, he’s prepared for marriage already
My wife [Just married]: Babe, can you please take out the trash?My Wife [Married for 10 years]: HEY ! Mr. I-SMELL-LIKE-WET-SHOWER-TOWELS-ALL DAY, when are you taking out the trash?!